Freedom 2021

 Happy New Year, everyone! I’ve missed you all terribly, and that’s not just due to the ongoing Corona-Situation. 

As I sit in my room and study for my upcoming Abitur, I pick up my very special notebook. This specific notebook I open every New Year’s to write my goals and aspirations for the 365 days ahead. Lovingly, I revisit bucket lists and gratitude texts and think of what I want for 2021. 

My goals are pretty straightforward: Graduate school with great grades and get into my dream university. Also learn to drive and get my Civil Identity Card. Although, there’s something missing, isn’t there? 

These goals are “expected”. But what do I want for myself? Who do I want to become? Who are the people I want to be with? And what is all of this for? - Ah, the existential questions. 

The existential questions are tormenting me. Which is alright, really. Laying sleepless in bed trying to find our purpose in life; it’s basically what we exist to do. However, with the education system where students actually go to school or the US or the middle class or -for short- Life as we know it, being on the verge of collapse, nothing is certain. Now, some may jump in ecstasy and yell freedom to such uncertainty but to me it’s tormenting. Freedom is when you have faith in tomorrow. When you are confident making your own choices about past, present and future not having to hesitantly look left and right and up and down before taking a decision with a heart distorted with fear. This uncertainty makes us cling to our rooms. And I want to break free.